One or None!

In a country where the population numbers more than any other place in the world, where a government monitors and decrees that one child is to be the norm for the next 10 years too, you would expect that people would be rioting or complaining that this is not fair.

What continues to astonish me is that we in the west or Mediterranean think it is a crying shame, the people here not only take it with quiet acceptance, also decide at times, more often today than before, not to have a child!

Who are we to judge, for in the west, many people today have opted out of having offspring, choosing instead to enjoy a carefree lifestyle, not incumberred with a child, bills, schooling and discipline. On the one side, I understand their choice and commend it, for if you do not wish to add any further members to your immediate family, better this way than not, rather stop before you start and if you have, not only may live to regret that decision, but can at times
cause bodily or emotional harm too.

So it was enlightening for me to discover some facts about the upbringing of
children here. As I have mentioned in the past, children till the age of around two or three are carried everywhere (although now with the approach of spring
buggies can be seen all around). Baby 'powder' is very expensive here, it as if
the mother who chooses not to breast feed is punished and boxes are overpriced
in comparison to the rest of the world. As for nappies, well you have heard what
I have to say about those in the past.

As families are limited to one child, unless under special circumstances, such as
both parents being one child offspring themselves, cousins are called brothers and sisters! This can prove to be very confusing for the foreigner, as they will say that they were born in different provinces or parts of Asia, so taking a few moments to understand that they are in fact children of their respective aunts and uncles.

Last week I was informed that it is standard for a parent to stop touching a child after the age of seven, irrelevant if it is male or female and many a student told me that they have no memories of their parents ever touching, kissing or hugging them. They were under no doubt whatsoever that they were loved, just not physically handled. This point actually saddenedme, as being a very tactile parent, always having made a point of kissing goodnight, squeezing an arm or a touch on the shoulder of my children, I find it hard to hear.

Growing up in a family that left Germany at the start of the war and with a father who was in the British Army, I cannot say with candor that I was a first generation 'holocaust' child. This syndrome that my ex-husband suffered from, was when the parents were unable to show physical love, such as hugging, kissing, tickling.... with their children, as they had suffered so greatly during the war, either having lost their families or having been imprisoned in a camp or worse... that they were emotionally disabled and dysfunctional in the emotional side of their offspring's upbringing. So causing, as in the case of my ex, a continued emotional incapability to the second generation after WWII.

Although I personally understand and sympathise for these parents who grew up in a pre-reform China, I personally impress upon the next generation to break the mold and be demonstrative, all the more so, as having only one child
families it is even the more imperative to keep up emotional closeness too.

Some natives have told me that they do not wish to have a child, also that being over 40 will be too late, for at 60+ one is too old to be a parent. I agree with the first point, that having children should be a matter of choice and it is better not to have than to feel obligated to do so and allow your parents to be responsible for its upbringing, but as too age, with hopefully better care of diet, a lifespan
could become extended and in time 60+ will appear young.

Children are expensive to feed, clothe, school and provide for, but as a mother of
four grown up ones, I can only tell you again, that it has been the most rewarding part of my life. I would not change any a moment for any part of it, having been blessed for being able to do it. I honestly recommend it, but if you
choose otherwise, make sure you are satisfied with your decision.